24-year-old girl blindsided as father claims she owes him $20000 two years after graduating college, despite him offering to pay tuition as a gift, now calling it an “investment”, trying to gain financial power over her: 'It always came with strings'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 24, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

This is the perfect example of someone needing to be in control. Not only of themselves, but of those around them. However, when someone allows that need for power to seep into their family and throws finances into the mix, things are bound to end in disaster…and so it does.

This father has given a lot to his children, but not without reminding them daily. Somehow, every gift, every financial 'favor', gets thrown in their faces, from an age so early, they could barely understand the concept of money. But with age, things seemed to get worse. When his daughter was two years out of college, he decided to randomly request the back the $20 000 he spent on her tuition. However, he always made it known to be a 'generous' offer, yet suddenly, he was backtracking, calling it an investment that was ready to claim its return. 

Now every time he calls, her heart skips a beat…Will he keep threatening to take legal action for a broken promise he once made, that never echoed an ounce of a 'loan'? Were there always strings attached?… Who was this man they called Dad?

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  • She is freaking out, alongside her younger brother, who is still in college, and worried he may do the same to him. Do they cut contact with him or try to understand where this sudden and dramatic change of (stone-cold) heart is coming from? Is it the ultimate power play after offering his kids unrealistic stability? 

  • Girl looking unsettled
    via africa-images

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for refusing to give my dad back the money he gave me for school because he suddenly decided it was a loan

    I'm 24F and my dad is in his 50s. Parents divorced when I was 11. I stayed mostly with my mom but he was still in the picture.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He sent support, he paid for stuff sometimes, but it always came with strings. That's kind of the theme of my whole relationship with him.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He helps, then later he brings it up like I owe him or like I should feel guilty. Even Christmas gifts got thrown back in my face sometimes.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • When I was 16 he paid for driver's ed. A few months later we had a fight because I wanted to stay over at a friend's house and he screamed at me
    via Late-Structure6578
  • that "you wouldn't even have a license if it wasn't for me" and that I should be grateful. Same thing with prom. He gave me money for a dress and later told me I owed him a favor.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • I remember being embarrassed at prom because I kept thinking about how it wasn't really mine, it was his money, so I had to like perform my gratitude for him.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • That's how it always was. He paid for something, then months later I'd hear about it again.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • So when I got into college I already knew money with him was tricky. I had scholarships and loans but there was still always a leftover amount each semester.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He stepped in and paid it. Usually between 2 and 3k. Every single time he said "I want you to focus on school and not money".
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He would brag to his sisters about how he was helping me. At Thanksgiving he literally gave a toast about how proud he was to make sure his daughter didn't graduate buried in debt.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Never once did he call it a loan. Never once did he say I'd need to pay it back.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Older man on his computer and writing in a notebook
    via gettyimages

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I thanked him every time. I worked part time jobs too but I couldn't cover the gap. He knew that. So I took his help. I thought it was just him being a dad.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Fast forward two years after graduation. I've got a job, I'm paying rent and bills, I'm not living fancy but I'm stable for the first time.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Out of nowhere he calls me up and says he wants his money back. He straight up said "you owe me about 20 grand". I laughed because I thought he was joking but he was de d serious.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He said it was always a loan, that I was an investment, that now it was time to give him his return. He literally used those words, "investment" and "return".
    via Late-Structure6578
  • It made my skin crawl.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • I told him no. I said that was never the deal. I said he always told me it was support. He blew up at me.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Called me ungrateful, told me I used him. Since then every call turns into "where's my money". If I bring up work or family he interrupts and says "don't change the subject".
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He even texted me "where is my repayment". He threatened to take legal action. I don't think he can since there's no paperwork but it still scared me.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Meanwhile my younger brother is still in college and dad is paying for his tuition too. Now dad is telling him not to "end up like your sister" and that he better pay it back.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • My brother is panicking. He thought it was just help too. He called me late one night basically freaking out that he's already trapped.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • Stressed man
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom who divorced him forever ago says this is exactly who he is and I shouldn't give him a dime. She said once | start it'll never stop.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • My aunt says I should just send him something small like $200 a month to keep the peace. And I could, I really could, but it makes me so angry to think about.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • It feels like rewarding manipulation. And I know once I start there won't be an end. He'll move the goalposts. He always does.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • I can't stop thinking about all the other times he did this. When I was 14 he gave me $50 for a school trip and then months later he reminded me I "owed him" and made me mow his lawn for free all summer.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • When I was 19 he sent me a care package at college with snacks and some cash and later he joked "don't forget who keeps you alive out there".
    via Late-Structure6578
  • It was never just kindness. Always leverage.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • So now part of me feels guilty. He did give me money. Without it I'd have more debt. And I do want to be grateful.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • But another part of me is so angry because I know he only waited until I was stable to try to claw it back.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • He chose to give it. He bragged about giving it. And now he's rewriting history like it was some formal deal.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • I feel sick every time my phone buzzes because I know it's going to be him again asking "where's my money".
    via Late-Structure6578
  • My brother is panicking about his future. My mom says ignore. My aunt says pay something. I'm caught in the middle of guilt and resentment and I don't know what the right answer is.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • So AITAH for refusing to pay back money my dad gave me for school when he only started calling it a loan after I graduated.
    via Late-Structure6578
  • universalrefuse NTA - Don't give this guy a penny, stop answering his calls. Do your best to support your brother financially while he finishes school.
    via universalrefuse
  • groovyfinds Do not give him a dime or it establishes you owe him money. Block him and happily move on with your life.
    via groovyfinds
  • dnabsuh1 He didn't want you to be buried in debt? Then it was not a loan.
    via dnabsuh1
  • Crafty_Special_7052 NTA honestly do you even still want to have a relationship with this man? I would honestly go Nc and block him. Your brother should do the same. He should stop accepting anymore money from him and take student loans. Better to do that than have your own father hounding you for money back.
    via Crafty_Special_7052
  • Loose_Shirt7265 NTAH. Parents are supposed to support their children! Where does this guy get off? Listen to your mother, she knows him best and that why she divorced him.
    via Loose_Shirt7265
  • Galadriel_60 NTA but your aunt is. No amount of money will "keep the peace" for this poor excuse for a parent.
    via Galadriel_60
  • blueyejan Block him. If he threatens to sue you, make him show you the loan agreement. He's not acting like a father. Don't respond to him anymore. Start recording every conversation, use it to get a lawyer to send a cease and desist order.
    via blueyejan

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